I have to admit, technically I am not yet a dad. So my blog is somewhat misnamed. I guess it should really be called "Blue Ridge Mountain Dad-To-Be." But my wife and I are expecting our Daughter in a little over two months. And believe me, shit's starting to get real.
I should probably go back and explain just what the hell I'm talking about. You see even when I was a young boy I always looked forward to being a dad. I always assumed I'd be good at it, probably because my dad made it look so easy and I'm a lot like my father. Fatherhood looked so rewarding, with a little caring, compassion, and understanding you raise a well adjusted child. Sounds easy, right?
Well, I thought so until about a month after I found out I was going to be a dad. It was then I started to recognize the true depth of responsibilities that come with being a father and the total inadequacy I have in being a responsible person.
It was shortly after then when I realized just how lacking I am in the caring and compassion categories. Just ask my wife. I am so bad, in fact, that I have been instructed that I can only say two things while she is in labor: "you're doing great" and "you're awesome." I don't even blame her either; I'm not exactly a wizard with words. Knowing me I would end up saying something wildly inappropriate which would result with me being lynched by the nurses and tossed out of the delivery room. How exactly am I going to relate to my little girl when she comes home from school crying because little Johnny says she has cooties. I can't exactly
pat her on the head and tell her "little Johnny's a dumbass. Everyone knows cooties have been erradicated ever since the FDA mandated the cootie vacine in 1993." Oh, wait...could I say that? It sounds pretty awesome. Anyway, my point is that caring and compassion aren't exactly my strong suits.
One of the other things I realized as the months of pregnancy wore on was this: my life up to this point hasn't exactly been worthy of emulation. I cannot begin to list the stupid mistakes and poor decisions I've made up until now. It really is amazing that I'm alive today writing this. Many better men than me haven't been given the amount of second chances that I have. Now I'm sure some of you folks will say that my background affords me the opportunity to speak from experience to my future child. I consent that this gives me somewhat of an advantage in certain situations. However, my issue revolves around so-called "moral high ground," of which I have little. What's going to happen when my future teenager says "but dad did it when he was my age?!?" My only hope is for my intelligent wife to find the right words at the right time. Because I am sure I am entirely too slow-witted to respond with anything near an intelligent retort.
Now I will only burden you with one more of my many concerns about being a father. Dads are supposed to know everything and I know very little. I'm not talking about having answers to my child's questions like: "why is the sky blue?" For the most part, I can answer those questions or at least find the answers to those questions. I'm concerned with knowing what to do in every possible situation. Knowing everything includes knowing what to do, right? This is where I feel I fall way short. Hell, it takes me ten minutes to decide between All-Natural JIF and Smart Balance Omega Natural peanut butter. What is going to happen when my kid depends on my decision making abilities. I fear my brain will overload analyzing and re-analyzing all possible scenarios until suddenly and catastrophically my brain will grind to a screeching halt, never to be used again. My only hope is that any major life-changing situations depending upon my decision-making abilities will hold off for a few years. So I can get some more practice with the small decisions involving peanut butter and baby food.
If you haven't already noticed, I'm a bit of a worrywart(it runs in the family). Thankfully the concerns I've mentioned don't involve taking care of a baby(I'm pretty sure I have what it take for that). So I have at least a couple more years to worry. Maybe by then I will have made a decision about how to address the aforementioned concerns.
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